Once Upon a time, there was a kid...

In the Name of Allah,

 I still remember the day I sat on the balcony of the apartment we lived in Karachi, Pakistan. I was no more than 12, and it was almost time of Maghrib. I looked up in the sky, and noticed the clouds moving very fast, and Sun moving slowly. For the first time, I realized that Sun moves around the earth, and I started thinking about how is it possible that a hot ball like Sun can touch the horizon where I can see houses. Are they getting burned?

After a few minutes of reflecting, a thought came to me that what if Sun was not moving around the earth although it seems that way, and in fact, Earth is rotating to make this illusion. I had no way to verify this thought so I kept it to myself. As time passed, I started to learn Physics in the school, and one day the teacher taught us something that verified my analysis. I was scared and surprised, because this is something that I don't suppose to know before learning it in the school. In next years to come, many a times this happened, where teachers were talking about something, and I could guess the next detail, and most of the time it was correct.

I don't know how, but I was always the person asking the question which others waited to ask, or didn't think that far. My friends gave me a nick name for that, and they called me "hair splitter", which means someone always dissecting matter even when matters are settled. I would challenge them in their assumptions upon the concepts of time travel, and the fate. Interestingly, when I visited Karachi, after 13 years, I met my old friends, and they took me back to our old building where we used to sit on the gate and have long philosophical conversations. I thought they just want to know about USA and such, but all of a sudden one of my friend asked me. "Adnan, do you still think the same way you used to?" I told him yes I have always split hairs if that's what you mean.

He said that he couldn't figure out one issue and he wanted my advise on that matter. I agreed, and he posed that question. He asked  me to explain the reality of Fate which Allah has written already,and how can we have free will when nothing happens without Allah's permission. Now, I did not knew the official answers from Islamic perspective, so I should have told him I don't know. However, I had my opinion on that matter. So, I gave him that.

I explained him that there is a difference between Allah's will (Radha) and Allah's permission (Mardhi). Allah has given us free will, and we are free to choose, but Allah has to implement our intention, because he is the only source of action, so if he likes he can block our actions, but he doesn't do that unless he find it necessary. Then, I explain him that Allah created time and Allah is time (I read a hadith saying this to be true), so he doesn't have to abide by the rules of time and he can see the last day of judgement, the first day, and every second in between, simultaneously. So, when he thought of creating us, he knew exactly what we will end up choosing and recorded it in The Book. Now, it doesn't mean that he picked our choices, rather he observed and noted down. Basically, he restricted himself from interfering into the free will.

Anyways, we talked for hours and it brought back the early memories. Since childhood, I knew that I would be the trouble maker, and will not fit in. I see it as blessing that Allah provided me the keen thinking so I don't accept everything on the face value, and have been rewarded for that. I also believe that Allah knows the future for everyone, and if anyone of us are destined to do something good, Angles are told to help us, even if we are sinning at some times.

Let me make something clear. I think it is my ability to use common sense and logic that helps me see beyond the obvious, and not some sort of divine help, because I am a very sinful person, and not worth that kind of status. For example, in Computer courses, the teacher will ask a question before teaching just to tease us, and I usually answer it by using the best guess, and it is usually true, but sometimes not.

I advise everyone to let go of assumptions and open up your mind to possibilities, not just probabilities. This world is not running on its own, but Angels pushing it along, so if there is a harm that come to us, Allah knows it, and we should receive it and have patience, and if we sincerely ask for that to be removed, Allah will instruct the Angels to remove it, unless there is an equal worth of Dua working counter against it. Only condition is that we need to have absolute belief that Angel exist and they are here with us. At one moment of time, everything is moving forward for our bodies, but our souls are not bounded by time and place, so we get indication of things to happen through our soul knowing it. Before everyone start throwing stones at me, I will leave it at that. Please don't ask me to prove these things, as I am not capable of doing that.

May Allah have mercy on my soul and show me the whole truth after I die, as a favor, and that is my wish.

JazakAllah Khairin

A trouble maker
AbuArman Jumani

A dua of a sinner.

In the Name of Allah.

Oh Allah, I didn't know you most of my life.
No one introduced me to you.

I commited sins left and right, and continue till today.
No one directed me to you.

I chose to ignore you and didn't believe your existence.
No one nudged me to you.

I don't want Jannah or Forgiveness only.
I want to be liked by you.

The world stands between me and you,
but I am attracted to you.

Muhammad has became my leader,
who guided me to you.

I know now what I didn't know,
I certainly belng to you.

Many ignore me when I say your name to them.
I leave their accounts to you.

I am alone in this journey, and will sleep alone at the end.
At the end, my return is to you.

People ask me to follow them, as they know you more,
Perhaps,
but my goal is to become pleasing to you.

I resisted, made excuses, argued, defied, and sinned
Today! I surrender my will to you.

Do, as you please with me. Punsih me here, or punish me there.
But after that give me a place close to you.

I know that you have been watching me.
Just one question.
Haven't I turned around to you?

I will practice Islam, or die trying, InshaAllah!
This is my promise to you.


A sinner
AbuArman